Grief is a painful mental response to the loss of someone or something that has departed and to which a bond or affection was formed. The grieving process is the observable symptom of the adjustment of the brainware and mindware to the loss. Grief is expressed in many ways. There is no right or wrong way to grief. The following mental tools might help to ease the pain but they are incomplete. There are many other ways. Some might work, while others might not. Just try them. If your grief last long or becomes unbearable, then seek professional help. There is no shame in it. Sometimes, even the strongest people need some help.
The constant feeling of loss and the associated emotions could impair a person's ability to function. If that person cannot do his or her work anymore, additional financial and social problems might appear. In that case, the pressure will increase and the quality of life might further deteriorate. To alleviate the counterproductive effects of grief and maintain a sense of control in an uncontrollable situation, it helps to create a grief habit until the mind is repaired. For that reason, set a daily time and duration to grief. Set the time so that the grieving session has the least impact on your life. For example, it could be after dinner from 7:00 to 8:00 pm or any other suitable time or period. If possible, find yourself a quiet place where you can express your grief without disruption. Before each session, set yourself a tasks that you will start immediately after the completion of that session. Any task, even the smallest one, will help. It will help to rebuild a sense of control. It is important to use the same period and location every day in order to habituate a mindset for grief in your reactive mindmode. If emotions threaten to overwhelm you outside your grief period, then just promise yourself silently that you will grief during the set time. That self-promise is likely to improve your functioning during the day. Breaking that self-promise will weaken the process of habituation. Just let your emotions go during the set time. Even if you feel no need to grief during the set period, withdraw to your quiet place and take the time to grief. Watch pictures or videos associated with your loss. Smell associated scents such as after-shave or perfume. Talk to him or her as if they were there. Hold items related to your loss. Scream if needed! Whatever you feel, as long as it safe, express it. Do not hold back. There is no right or wrong way to grief. You will find your own way to express your loss. Set an alarm to keep time. Stop immediately at the end of your session and start the planned task. Grief is often associated with a feelings of helplessness and lost control. Sticking exactly to the time period that you have set to grief confirms to your subconscious that you are still in conscious control.
Love is the essence of life. All of us want to hang on to the people and things we love. Most often, it is extremely hard to accept losses, let go, and move on. Often, the mind clings on desperately to the past, like a drowning person to a piece of driftwood. Nevertheless, time breaks us inevitably away from the past and forces us into the future. Whatever the loss, we need mental closure before the healing could start. For thousands of years, social rituals have provided ways to accept the inevitable. At funerals, we set a special time to cry and let our emotions flow. Some cultures are more emotional in such rituals than others. However, sometimes there are no social rituals or they are not enough and the hurt continues. In that case, it might help to organize a personal ritual as often as necessary. For example, you could burn a candle, release some flowers in a flowing river, or let a balloon fly with a last farewell. There is no right or wrong way to grief. You will find your own ritual to express your loss.
A wound kept open will not heal. The healing of the mind can only start after closing the mental wound. Sometimes, we cannot get that closure, because things that should have been said were never said. In that case, it might help to write one or more letters to say whatever you wanted to say. A last farewell, a rebuke, a poem, a love letter, a warning, etc. Write down how much you loved or hated what you have lost. Just let it flow. Then burn your letters and watch your grief slowly turn into dust.
To find closure and healing, you need to disrupt the mental grief-loops. They go around and around destroying your energy. Talking to others about your pain will act like a circuit-breaker. Talking about your loss will disrupt the grief-loop and creates insight and ideas that move you away from those loops. Moving away from those dangerous loops does not betray what you have lost. Moving forward is not forgetting your loss. It is a self-preservation that would be supported by the person that loved you. If this is about a person that hated you there is no trust lost in moving on. Hate is always punishing the person who hates. Break the self-inflicted isolation and talk to family, friends, or professionals. Shared pain is half the pain. People are social life forms. You need other people as much as they need you. Next time, they will come to you for help.
To keep functioning during the day, take short breaks of a few minutes and use the stress-inhibitor in order to interrupt the mental grief-loop by flooding your conscious with positive and productive nemonik mantras. There will be little space left in the conscious for maintaining the grief-loop.